My adventures, failures, and successes

It has been a long time since I have written about myself. In the past 3 years, I have not only had a second child while seeing my other son grow, but I have also had my share of ups and downs with my illness.

After O, my youngest, was born, I ended up with serious mood issues. In fact, I started having hallucinations and I was so depressed and anxious. I got sent to this AMAZING partial hospital program for women with perinatal mood disorders and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I brought my baby with me and the therapists helped me bond with my son and gave me the skills that I needed in order to be the mother that I wished to be. It is one of 2 programs of it’s kind and I cannot say how grateful I am to have had that opportunity. They also tweaked my medications while I was there.

My son had some serious issues when he was first born. He had too much amniotic fluid because he was born via c-section and he didn’t get to have it all squeezed out during birth. He couldn’t be laid down flat without gagging and choking. Well, my husband ran to get food the day after he was born and my mom was changing his diaper. He stopped breathing and began turning blue. The nurses didn’t respond to my page right away because they were busy with other patients so my mom ran into the hallway yelling that my little guy was turning blue. Then, after sort of failing to really get food allergies, we discovered that he was allergic to milk and soy. We later discovered that he’s also allergic to whole eggs, not just the protein that most people are allergic to. So we had an interesting start.

I didn’t have a therapist for part of this time and when I did go back we went back to focusing on DBT, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, skills as they had been so helpful in the past. This was definitely the right decision for me as they have helped me through many tough times.

Most recently, I have been using GIVE and DEAR MAN quite a bit. GIVE is for maintaining a relationship while DEAR MAN is a skill of assertiveness for asking for what you want or saying no to a request. Using them together has been very beneficial, especially for my marriage. I can word things in a way so that I’m not being aggressive with my husband, but I can ask for what I need. My husband tends to default to I always screw up and this has sort of prevented that in some instances so we can actually talk about a situation.

We also renewed our vows for our 10 month anniversary last month. That also required some self soothing skills to get through the anxiety the few days before when things were still being prepared. I was finding things that I found calming and relaxing and doing them.

Oh – and I’m recovering from a concussion that I suffered 4 weeks ago. Things are finally so much better, but taking care of the boys and grocery shopping and a few other things bring back the symptoms so I’m doing the things that don’t cause symptoms to flare and avoiding others. I have a babysitter until Friday in the hopes that everything is A-OK starting next week. I’ll have a positive update on my condition soon hopefully. When I had my CT scan 2 weeks ago, the doc said it was going to take time and rest so time and rest it is.


There’s a Son #2

Well, it has been around 3 years since I last posted here on this blog. In fact, it’s 3 years since I have actually written anything. I am hoping to get back to this for an outlet and to share some of the things I have learned. Plus, I have gotten some new likes on Facebook so I figured it was worth pursuing again.

I had a second son since I last posted. His name is O and he’s 2 now. He is one independent ball of fire. We are having problems behaviorally already and that scares me given my history. My sister said that if we don’t get this fixed by 5 or something that he’ll end up in jail. I think it’s a huge exaggeration, but we did talk to his doctor who referred us back to early intervention for help. One of the major problems we have is the worry that he’s going to hurt himself. He literally runs from 1 wall to the next ramming himself into the wall. His EI coordinator is going to send a sensory expert out to try to come up with some ideas for him to get the same effect to calm himself without hurting himself. He doesn’t do this when he’s mad or anything. He just does it to calm himself. It’s almost unbelievable. He also hits, kicks, and bites. He does these things even when he isn’t mad because he thinks it’s funny when people get hurt. He hurt my husband – just walked up to him and bit his leg and laughed his little butt off. Last week, he climbed up a shelf to get one of the dog supplements and ate one. We had to worry about iron poisoning.

He is beyond independent. He is defiant and will test us at every corner even knowing what the consequences of his actions will be. I mean he will do things we tell him not to do right in front of us.

I also think of him as a highly sensitive person. I know 2 year olds have little impulse control, but this poor kid will have a tantrum and even after what seems like the end of the tantrum he will still need to be held and comforted. He has so much trouble regulating his emotions and calming down and nothing works except walking away and coming back when he isn’t violently kicking and pinching to soothe him. It can get pretty scary.

Basically, I fear that my second son is going to have some form of mental illness given his behavior now, but I also know he’s only 2 and there is a lot of time for change. My husband and I are not raising our children like we were raised. My home was quite hectic and unstable. We had lots of fighting and yelling. My husband’s home had no yelling whatsoever. His dad never once yelled during his entire childhood. He would drive away and come back when he wasn’t so angry anymore. He never heard his parents fight. This was the opposite in my house. Everyone over shared in my family and they kind of still do. They don’t talk about anything in his. We are working toward a happy medium in our home and most of the time I think we are successful.

My older son is quite the charmer and has a strong need for people to like him and to be accepted. He’s also more comfortable playing with the girls than the boys and his favorite color is pink. He is so sweet with a great sense of humor, but can be a bit sensitive around certain things – especially if he’s really tired. He also has an amazing imagination. He creates these “games” where you are a character using one of his pals. It’s almost like you are acting out a play with him and his stories can sometimes go on forever.

I will write another post about me and how I have been coping with life.