The weather and my mood

I have been down lately and I think the weather is to blame.  I tend to feel down on rainy cloudy days and we’ve had several in a row.  We finally have some sun this afternoon and I’m a bit more cheerful today.  We have been experiencing a great deal of cloudy rainy cool weather.  Since I’ve been down, my sleep has been thrown off.

Two nights ago, the night I started this blog, I tried mindfulness meditation to sleep.  The meditation was a body scan where you relax your body one part at a time – starting from your toes.  I couldn’t concentrate on the recording because of my mood.  I have this fear of SIDS – that one day Jimmy V will stop breathing and I won’t be able to revive him.  I don’t want to buy a house with a pool or near water for fear he’ll drown.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep.  I was up every couple of hours and it wasn’t because my son, Jimmy V, was awake.  The alarm on our baby monitor went off at 1 AM last night signaling that it couldn’t detect movement.  I felt like my worst fears were being realized.  I nearly had a heart attack and my first thought was call 911.  I ran into Jimmy V’s room where I discovered he was fine and stretching.  He moved off of the motion sensor in his sleep.  I had already been having trouble sleeping and this made matters worse.  My heart was racing.

Jimmy V woke up for the day at 3:50 AM.  Typically, Daddy gets up with him when he gets ready for work, but the baby was awake before 4 AM.  I walked into his room and he smiled at me.  I fed him and changed him and put him into his swing.  He just kept cooing and speaking baby talk.

Fortunately, I got to take a nap that lasted 30 minutes this afternoon.  Jimmy V took a short nap which gave me the opportunity to rest.  I felt a little bit recharged – especially when I saw that the sun had finally started shining.

It is supposed to be sunny here for Fathers Day weekend so hopefully my mood will pick up.  I don’t qualify for a clinical diagnosis of depression yet since it’s only been about a week downturn.  I am not due to see my psychiatrist for a while so I will keep an eye on it.  I will contact her if things do not improve with the change in the weather.  I will talk to my therapist about it tomorrow.

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