I have been down lately and I think the weather is to blame. I tend to feel down on rainy cloudy days and we’ve had several in a row. We finally have some sun this afternoon and I’m a bit more cheerful today. We have been experiencing a great deal of cloudy rainy cool weather. Since I’ve been down, my sleep has been thrown off.
Two nights ago, the night I started this blog, I tried mindfulness meditation to sleep. The meditation was a body scan where you relax your body one part at a time – starting from your toes. I couldn’t concentrate on the recording because of my mood. I have this fear of SIDS – that one day Jimmy V will stop breathing and I won’t be able to revive him. I don’t want to buy a house with a pool or near water for fear he’ll drown.
Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I was up every couple of hours and it wasn’t because my son, Jimmy V, was awake. The alarm on our baby monitor went off at 1 AM last night signaling that it couldn’t detect movement. I felt like my worst fears were being realized. I nearly had a heart attack and my first thought was call 911. I ran into Jimmy V’s room where I discovered he was fine and stretching. He moved off of the motion sensor in his sleep. I had already been having trouble sleeping and this made matters worse. My heart was racing.
Jimmy V woke up for the day at 3:50 AM. Typically, Daddy gets up with him when he gets ready for work, but the baby was awake before 4 AM. I walked into his room and he smiled at me. I fed him and changed him and put him into his swing. He just kept cooing and speaking baby talk.
Fortunately, I got to take a nap that lasted 30 minutes this afternoon. Jimmy V took a short nap which gave me the opportunity to rest. I felt a little bit recharged – especially when I saw that the sun had finally started shining.
It is supposed to be sunny here for Fathers Day weekend so hopefully my mood will pick up. I don’t qualify for a clinical diagnosis of depression yet since it’s only been about a week downturn. I am not due to see my psychiatrist for a while so I will keep an eye on it. I will contact her if things do not improve with the change in the weather. I will talk to my therapist about it tomorrow.
